Jealousy & What I Needed To Know To Be Content

Back in High School

I remember laying down

I remember the rain pouring down

I remember crying in my bed

I remember having these thoughts in my head

Jealousy

That's what they call it

Comparing

That's what I did

I pray on my bed

Poured everything out

I said, "Father,

I loathe her, but that's not right

You wouldn't want that, she's your daughter too

But tell me what am I to do?

Because right now I feel like a fool!"

I cried and I cried

Feeling worthless, every second

Then faintly, I hear it

Faintly, a word popped in my heart

"Forgive..."

But I was devastated, "How can I forgive? When I'm the only one feeling this way!"

"Forgive..."

"What are You talking about? It's pointless, how can I forgive when she doesn't even know about this?"

"Forgive..."

I decided to just cry, I hadn't much to say

That's when He said it clearly

"Forgive yourself, because you are not how you hoped or wished to be."

It strucked me

It's true

I was jealous because

I keep comparing myself

"Forgive yourself. Know that you are special the way you are. I made you special.

Apologize to yourself, because you didn't see how beautiful you are until now."

So I cried

This time of gratefulness

I cried

This time for the love I felt

I cried

This time for knowing that I didn't have to worry

It's not about changing my Self

It's about accepting & improving myself

Because He had already designed me to be special

...and that was how I learned about contentment.